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A Man’s Life: Just One Of Those Messed Up Embarrassing Moments

Statue Facepalm

Sometimes, when life throws a pie in your face, the only thing you can do is just laugh… completely nude from the waist down, drenched phone in hand.

So, it was early in the evening, the time of day when I break my 18 to 22-hour fad. I had nothing to eat, however, so I decided to make a beeline to my local Walmart, which was a mere eight minute walk from by apartment.

But before I could storm out the door, my bladder wanted my attention. I needed to pee, but not badly, and figured I could make it to Walmart, grab whatever I needed, and reach home just in time to relief myself with the utmost gratification, all without having to use Walmart’s infamous vomit-inducing washroom.

As planned, I went to Walmart and grabbed whatever I needed, but found myself racing to my front door with a bladder just about ready to explode.

I had miscalculated and could barely hold it all in as I threw the groceries to the floor and fumbled for my keys. Once inside, I scrambled to the washroom, which, fortunately, was in very close proximity to the front door, so much so that anyone walking by in the hallway could see its trappings with little effort.

Home free, I thought, after reaching the toilet, but NOPE! My zipper wouldn’t open, forcing me to yank down my pants as I sprayed all over the toilet seat, my body wobbling uncontrollably from a rush of adrenaline and ecstasy.
And then, blop! My phone was in the toilet, haven slid out of my jacket pocket as a result of all the wobbling. I hastily pulled it out, took a few seconds to make sure it was still operational, and rested it aside so that I could tend to my flood problem.

I was relieved, both to have finally appeased my bladder and to find that my phone was still in working order. Sure, I was a half nude mess with a phone covered in urine, and the area around the toilet was devastated by the flood, but I had weathered the storm relatively unscathed… or so I thought.

As I turned to inspect my phone for a second time, pants and underwear still at my ankles, it dawned on me that I had left both the washroom door and front door wide open. Did anybody see?

F#@k my life!

It would be lie to say I was unfazed by the ordeal, but I was quick to laugh it off, then proceeded to scrub the entire washroom and take a nice long shower. After all, that’s life, and if there is anything to learn from this experience, it’s that life shouldn’t be taken too seriously.

P.S. My phone stopped working a week or two after the incident, and I didn’t care. I saw it as opportunity to go on a two week phone fast that had a rather therapeutic effect on me.

Care to share some of your messed up embarrassing moments?

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