Christmas without a narcissist is like winning the lottery after decades of being broke. It’s going to bed with cancer and waking up cured.
I just had my very first “merry” Christmas after 33 years on this planet, and it was amazing.
It wasn’t because I had a child and started a family of my own. I didn’t buy a new house, land my dream job or drove off the dealer’s lot in my dream car.
Those will all come in due time.
On the contrary, it was a Christmas spent alone, without family, friends and much in the way of material goods.
The thing is, I had a very merry Christmas because, for the first time ever, I didn’t find myself frozen and numb for an inexplicable reason, unable to engage with anyone try as I may.
Turning to my left or to my right didn’t reveal a mischievous brother spying, snitching and gossiping about me with people I thought were friends, his energy so foul and suffocating that it was paralyzing. I didn’t find a viceful mother giving me a snide look as she fished for something to smear me with.
I wasn’t blasted with painful flashback of the violations and abuse I let them get away, watching as they smirked in pure ecstasy at my palpable misery.
I woke up Christmas morning feeling rejuvenated after actually getting a good night sleep, able to turn by neck and bend my back without almost fainting from agonizing pain. I looked at my hands to find no signs of emaciation.
I wasn’t encumbered with a flood negative emotions as I forced myself to be festive, straining to reason with myself that it’s not them, it’s me.
I didn’t feel trapped between a rock and hard place, powerless to do anything about my circumstances.
Happy to say there was no psychotic breakdown this time around. I felt at ease; I felt safe.
I smiled on December 25 and expressed gratitude for being blessed with a new lease on life.
For this Christmas, I gave myself one of the best present any narcissistic abuse survivor can give himself — I went no contact and stayed no contact.
Indeed, getting away from the narcissist in my life is the wisest thing I have done. Even with nothing, my first Christmas without a narcissist was one of peace, serenity, and joyfulness.
This year and every other year to come, celebrate the holiday season as if it were your last one. Replace your painful memories with the narcissist with new memories with those who genuinely care about you.
Because life is too short, and while there is no way of knowing what it will serve us tomorrow, one thing is certain: the narcissist only thrives when you suffer, a painful fact that should spur you to break free from their influence as soon as possible, even if it’s with one small choice at a time.
Finally, remember that with Christmas comes a new year. Make it a fresh start and an empty canvas upon which to paint any picture you please. And be sure your painting is of peace, happiness, good health and success, because god only knows you deserve it.
I wish you a narcissist-free new year of healing, growth, and abundance.